I'm finding that since I've opened up about perimenopause and infertility that a lot of my lady friends have gone through or are currently going through the same thing. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that I have people who can relate and offer advice and support while I'm figuring things out.
However, I am also finding that some people are dismissive of a problem that is really affecting my state of mind. Yeah, after five years of being single at 34 years-old, I was becoming resigned to the fact that I was probably not going to have kids of my own. That doesn't mean it's any less disappointing to learn that having babies is most likely impossible for me. Because I always thought I might find someone I would feel was worth having babies with--my own babies. So, please don't tell me that "it's not that big of a deal" because I wasn't planning on having kids anyway. Please don't tell me that "there's always adoption". I know these things, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm dealing with a very heavy reality that comes with a certain amount of disappointment and depression. You don't get to tell me what is a "big deal" and what is not.
I just went through a pretty awful experience that triggered some serious PTSD, and I'm still trying to work through the emotional fallout from that. For the love of cheese (that I can no longer eat) please don't tell me my situation is "not a big deal". Because it's so much more than the perimenopause and infertility. It's having thoughts and feelings that I can't control. I'm feeling all kinds of things that are irrational, and that's okay. I'm allowed to feel them.
With everything that's going on, finding the energy to care has been...challenging. I'm emotionally and physically exhausted, and I just want to sleep all the time. Seriously. I'm sitting here typing this, and I would rather be in bed.
It doesn't help that it's been rainy for the entire week, so I feel like I'm walking around under my own personal rain cloud.
So, to combat the rainy day blues, I have my Happy Lamp on, and I juiced some of my favorite fruits to give me a pick-me-up:
Libster's Strawberry Watermelon Pick-Me-Up
1/4 seedless watermelon
10 strawberries
1 cucumber
1 lime (peeled)
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