I'm so good about being fit and healthy...for a few months at a time. Then, a switch flips and I sabotage myself. At the moment, I have several things working against me:
1.) The scale I was using was out of balance. WAY out of balance. So, while I thought I had only gained 20lbs, I had really packed on 30lbs. Oy.
I really just feel horrible physically right now. It was fine when I was just 10lbs over my targeted weight. I could deal with that. I still felt good, and I was okay with how I looked. At this point, I'm not okay anymore. I don't like the way I feel, and I don't like the way I look...Except that I actually have boobs now. That's always a plus. But the boobs don't make everything magically better. I still feel like crap, and I don't really like what I see when I look in the mirror anymore.
2.) My blood pressure is getting high. I can feel it every time I workout, creeping up, making my face red. I've been reading up on it. Apparently, a 30lb weight gain will do that to you. I've lost 10 of those pesky 30lbs. Now, I just need to lose the other 20lbs, and I will be golden.
Sodium intake, of course, also affects blood pressure, and I'm pretty sure I'm having way too much. For the past three days, I've woken up with swollen feet and fingers. I'm drinking enough water, but I'm retaining water like a sonofabitch. It's not pleasant, and it has to stop.
Things have to change, and I have to make those changes now. I really need to get myself in order. I don't want to have a heart attack at thirty-one years old.
3.) I've been taking aerial for a little over two months now. I love it, and I'm getting stronger every week. I can feel it. I'm just not where I want to be. So, I'm going to have to kick it up. The frustrating thing is that I am so sore after one full aerial class that I'm afraid to do anything the next day. I'm going to look into active recovery and see if I can find a routine that works for me. I want to maximize my strength building without over-exercising, which is just a glorified form of anorexia - one that is rampant today.
4.) There is a Whataburger down the street from my house. I love bacon cheeseburgers. While they are not reactive for me, I really need to not have it more than once a week or once every two weeks. It's so difficult. It's just right there, beckoning to me. "Libasaurus, come to me. Partake of my bacon-y, cheesy goodness!" Oy.
5.) There is something in bloom right now that is making me puff up like...something that puffs up. Saturday morning, my eyes were so swollen I could barely keep them open. I'm also randomly breaking out into hives. Yay!
6.) I don't have anyone to hold me accountable for my own health. My aerial instructor holds me accountable one day a week. I feel like I'm letting her down if I miss a class, and I'm constantly driven to push myself because she believes in me that much. I just need that the other six days of the week. I really do need a fitness buddy. Or a drill sergeant. Or Nick Fury.
Argh! I am so miserable!!!!!!!!
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