I finally had my consultation for the D&C/ablation with Dr. M. Of course, because I'm a 34 year-old woman with so many reproductive years ahead of me (cue big, fat eye roll), Dr. M tried to talk me out of the ablation. She said she only likes to use that as a last-ditch effort, because birth control of some kind must be taken from now until menopause. Okay. I don't see the problem. Birth control is free.
Really, I just think that doctors want to prevent younger women from eliminating the possibility of pregnancy all together. I relayed the information provided to me from Dr. K and told her I've had three months to think about this and come to terms with the consequences. And let's be real. I've been told it's unlikely I'm going to have kids right now, anyway. I also have zero romantic prospects. There is no guarantee I'm going to meet anyone and feel I know them well enough in the few reproductive years I have left. If I'm already in premature ovarian failure as Dr. K suspects, how good are my eggs, anyway?
At my age, you have to start worrying about the health and safety of any potential fetus. Don't get me wrong. My conscience won't let me put a possible child at risk for serious developmental issues just to sate a biological need to reproduce. If I do find someone who isn't scared off by the idea of not being able to have children of our own, then we can adopt.
During the consult, Dr. M brought up the idea that I might have endometriosis. Hold up. I thought my endometrial biopsy ruled that out. The tissue wasn't in great shape, but there were no indications of endometriosis present. Dr M did an exam of her own, which I wasn't mentally prepared for. She was checking the length of my uterine ligaments. Apparently, they're very short which can indicate endometriosis. But it can indicate nothing at all.
She wants me to come back next week after we have the results from my follow up ultrasound which is tomorrow. Joy of joys. And then, she wants to stick a camera in there so she can see what's actually going on. I mean...I'm having an ultrasound. Why can't you just do it all at once? As much as they're sticking things in my vagina, I should start charging them.
At the end of the day, I just have more questions than I did when I went in. And I really don't understand why they won't just let a woman make decisions about her body without second guessing her. I'm not one of those women who is going to regret this decision. A.) It's highly unlikely I'm going to have kids anyway, B.) I've been given enough time to think this through and come to terms with the fact that I won't be having babies of my own. C.) It will improve my quality of life. Why do I have to take a less effective option simply because someone my age still has a few reproductive years left?
I'm frustrated and angry, and I just want some real answers.
Tuesday, August 9, 2016
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Adventures in juicing: Orange Sunburst
Hunger and I have been on odd terms lately. Sometimes, I'm craving everything under the sun. More often than not, however, I'm just not very hungry. There is sharp pain in what I think are probably my intestines, though my insides are fairly unhappy with me in general these days. In any case, solid food just doesn't seem very appetizing, and eating becomes uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure this is a result of the iron supplements I am taking. But I need sustenance of some kind, so I'm getting around it by juicing.
I fell in love with the Day Glow juice from First Watch, and I decided I would try to make my own version. I succeeded on the first try. It was a little on the sweet side, but I added ice, and it cut the sweetness for me.
Libbie's Orange Sunburst:
4 oranges
7 carrots
1 thumb-sized piece of ginger
1 lemon
I'd gauge this makes about 10-12 oz of juice. And it's so tasty!!!!!
Monday, June 6, 2016
Managing cravings...
I have been craving junk all day as well as yesterday. I haven't been the best at clean eating, but I've been doing the best I can given that I had no choice but to eat at restaurants every weekend for five weeks. Really, all that means is that I've been living on watermelon, pistachios, Trader Joe's dried apples, a thousand different blends of tea, and dried pineapple and homemade beef jerky (thank you, Christa and Ragnar!) And I definitely had ice cream for dinner last night. But it was Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra, so at least it's quality ice cream. That counts for something. Right?
Anyhoo, the cravings for junk and fast food have been strong the past couple of days, and I'm managing it by living on pistachios and Trader Joe's dried apple slices. And tea. Lots and lots of tea. Today's blend is Tulsi Moringa. It's supposed to help relieve stress. Right...
In any case, I'm armed with high fiber foods to combat cravings and teas for the headaches and irritable stomach (mint for tummy and raspberry leaf for the lady parts). In any case, it's been helping me kick the soda craving. I don't generally crave salty things. I crave sweets. Soda and ice cream are probably the biggest culprits. And sweet tea. I looooooovvvvvve sweet tea. I also love Kinder chocolate. When I found out that they put it in bar form and my favorite candy store carried it...Hoo boy. Anyway. You get the picture. I have a sweet tooth.
Occasionally, when I have a craving, it's not even for something specific. It's just a driving need to have something sweet.
This has me thinking about the science of cravings. Why do we crave the foods we crave? Why do we have general cravings?
Apparently, hormones play a huge role in hunger. If you've been keeping up with my trials and tribulations, you understand why this made me laugh in way that made my eye twitch. It makes me wonder if maybe the hormones Dr. K checked aren't the only ones out of whack. My thyroid was fine, but that was literally the only thing that was functioning properly out of everything she checked.
When I got my lab results from Dr. K, she mentioned that processed foods have been found to adversely affect your endocrine system. She didn't get specific, but she suggested going to a clean diet, which I have been trying...and struggling with. As I've been reading, I've learned that Grehlin is the hormone produced in the pancreas that drives our hunger. It may even be linked to cravings, according to Dr. Ellen Hendrikson.
We've all heard that processed sugar and foods like chocolate releases endorphins into the brain much like opioid drugs would. But did you know that blocking those same opiate receptors will dampen cravings for such foods?
So, great. I'm quite literally chemically dependent on this crap that is possibly killing my endocrine system. Brilliant. How do I combat this? Well, after wading through an obnoxious amount of articles that gave suggestions like, "visualize a different craving" or "take a nap", I came across a pretty decent article from Fitness Magazine's website.
The article backed up Dr. Hendrikson's statements about the link between junk food and chemical dependency, but it took it a step further, stating that women are programmed to put a higher value on food. Why is that? You guessed it. Women are the baby factories! Our prehistoric ancestors lived in times of feast and famine, and the foods that had a higher sugar or fat content would sustain them longer. This is especially helpful when you're eating for two. In other words, we as a species have survived millions of years by making women chemically dependent on chocolate. Thanks a lot, guys. Really. Thanks so much.
The article goes on to say that giving in to the craving for sugary, salty, and fatty foods just makes the cravings worse. Processed sugar hits your bloodstream much faster than regular sugars, so you get a sugar rush that gives you an immediate boost, but it can't sustain you. Not only that, but if you give in to that desire for ice cream, you could spend the next three days craving it. The article then goes on to give examples of how to curb your cravings.
I've included links for the articles, because they have good suggestions for managing cravings. I was planning on listing out my favorites, but I'm exhausted, and I have a fierce migraine, so I'll leave it to you to explore on your own, my duckies.
Friday, June 3, 2016
Dealing with stress and emotional backlash
Yesterday and this morning have been a struggl. My stress level is through the roof. It's not just the health of my lady bits; it's...everything. It's having no idea why my body isn't producing the hormones it should be and no hope of having answers for five months at the very least. It's being in perimenopause at 34. It's having the decision to have kids taken out of my hands. It's dealing with all of the innate programming that comes with being a woman that drives you to procreate that is now completely useless and makes me unreasonably sad when I see really cute babies. It's not being able to be around people I care greatly for, because I'm not sure how I will react to their new baby. It's the expense of treatment for the labs and procedures and costs of seeing specialists, because I have a ridiculous deductible and stupid high copays. It's paying for that, paying off my new (to me) car, because no one plans on their body sabotaging them. It's keeping a roof over my head, and making sure the dogs and I have food.
I really wanted to start saving to move out of this godforsaken state, but it looks like that will be impossible, because my living situation will be changing. If it's not one thing, it's another. I'm frustrated and angry, and I'm sad, because it feels like I can never be settled. There is a certain amount of despair, because I'm afraid I'm going to be stuck in a place that I hate--a place that is killing my soul.
Maybe if life would give me a moment to recover from one thing before kicking me in the balls with another, I'd be a little more emotionally stable. As it is, I'm reeling.
If I could just get enough sleep, maybe I would be more prepared to handle everything being thrown at me. But it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, I just wake up exhausted. I'm starting with literally zero energy. I'm sluggish and slow, and I hate it. Sometimes just getting out of bed is challenging. And sometimes the depression digs it's claws in. So often it's like my thoughts aren't even my own. I have no control of them. And I'm so ready to not feel like this anymore. I'm worn so thin that I really just want to quit. Today is one of the days I just want to give up. I'm so tired, tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of fighting everything all the time. What's scary is that giving in is becoming a much more appealing option than it has ever been.
I guess I'll start trying some of the stress relief techniques in some of the articles below. I'd love to go to the gym, but starting with zero energy doesn't get me very far. Maybe I'll try a short, gentle yoga routine. I don't know. I just know something has to change.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management-relieving-stress
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/managing-stress.htm (With how many times this site encourages the user to "Think Positively", I kind of want to punch the content developer in the face. With a brick.)
Maybe if life would give me a moment to recover from one thing before kicking me in the balls with another, I'd be a little more emotionally stable. As it is, I'm reeling.
If I could just get enough sleep, maybe I would be more prepared to handle everything being thrown at me. But it doesn't seem to matter how much sleep I get, I just wake up exhausted. I'm starting with literally zero energy. I'm sluggish and slow, and I hate it. Sometimes just getting out of bed is challenging. And sometimes the depression digs it's claws in. So often it's like my thoughts aren't even my own. I have no control of them. And I'm so ready to not feel like this anymore. I'm worn so thin that I really just want to quit. Today is one of the days I just want to give up. I'm so tired, tired of being the strong one. I'm tired of fighting everything all the time. What's scary is that giving in is becoming a much more appealing option than it has ever been.
I guess I'll start trying some of the stress relief techniques in some of the articles below. I'd love to go to the gym, but starting with zero energy doesn't get me very far. Maybe I'll try a short, gentle yoga routine. I don't know. I just know something has to change.
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm
http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management-relieving-stress
https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/managing-stress.htm (With how many times this site encourages the user to "Think Positively", I kind of want to punch the content developer in the face. With a brick.)
Wednesday, June 1, 2016
Well, at least it's not cancer...yet
Dr. K called on my way home from work last night. The good news is that it isn't cancer...yet. She said the levels (of whatever it is they're looking for) in my CA-125 were elevated, but not enough to be concerning right now, though we will have to keep monitoring it.
So, yay, no ovarian cancer, but I'm not entirely out of the woods. My endometrial biopsy (uterine lining) came back with irregularities indicating that I have polyps, but there is no indication of cancer. She is recommending a D&C, where they basically go in and scrape at my insides like one might the inside of a pumpkin. Unfortunately, no one has suggested just scooping everything out. I would honestly prefer that at this point.
I had dinner with a friend last night who has had a D&C, and she said once it was done, she felt so much better. So, at least I have that to look forward to. Because this being tired and nauseous all the time? I'm. over. it.
Dr. K spoke previously of an endometrial ablation, which would greatly lower my chances of babies...assuming we ever get to the bottom of why I'm not producing baby making hormones at all. I'm really okay with that. If they can just eliminate any reason anyone would need to be in my lady parts from here on out, I'll be copacetic.
I am feeling better physically. My stomach and uterus are still at odds with each other, which Dr. K said can happen. Something about smooth muscle and everything being irritated and swollen and pressing against everything else. I can't really remember. We talked about several things that took precedence. The bloating and pain is down by half, though, and I no longer look pregnant. Now, I just have a little pudge. I even lost half a pound! Woo!
Uterine Polyps (Mayo Clinic)
Uterine Polyps (Women's Health Concern)
D&C (Mayo Clinic)
Endometrial Ablation (Web MD)
So, yay, no ovarian cancer, but I'm not entirely out of the woods. My endometrial biopsy (uterine lining) came back with irregularities indicating that I have polyps, but there is no indication of cancer. She is recommending a D&C, where they basically go in and scrape at my insides like one might the inside of a pumpkin. Unfortunately, no one has suggested just scooping everything out. I would honestly prefer that at this point.
I had dinner with a friend last night who has had a D&C, and she said once it was done, she felt so much better. So, at least I have that to look forward to. Because this being tired and nauseous all the time? I'm. over. it.
Dr. K spoke previously of an endometrial ablation, which would greatly lower my chances of babies...assuming we ever get to the bottom of why I'm not producing baby making hormones at all. I'm really okay with that. If they can just eliminate any reason anyone would need to be in my lady parts from here on out, I'll be copacetic.
I am feeling better physically. My stomach and uterus are still at odds with each other, which Dr. K said can happen. Something about smooth muscle and everything being irritated and swollen and pressing against everything else. I can't really remember. We talked about several things that took precedence. The bloating and pain is down by half, though, and I no longer look pregnant. Now, I just have a little pudge. I even lost half a pound! Woo!
Uterine Polyps (Mayo Clinic)
Uterine Polyps (Women's Health Concern)
D&C (Mayo Clinic)
Endometrial Ablation (Web MD)
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
They say no news is goods news...but is it really?
It's nearing the end of the day, and I still haven't heard anything from Dr. K. When I left her office on Thursday, it sounded like today was going to be the latest I would get the results of my CA-125 and the endometrial biopsy.
Normally, I wouldn't be hugely concerned. However, this weekend a civil war broke out in my uterus. I'm not really sure what's going on, but there has been a great deal of pain starting mid-day Saturday and lasting through the weekend and into today. The bestie and I named my right ovary Steven Rogers (in honor of the Captain Fascist twist in Captain America), because it's the possibly cancerous one, and we've named the left one Tony Stark (because it's not currently a traitor and trying to kill me).
***THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET GRAPHIC, AND I TALK ABOUT BODILY FUNCTIONS***
It's not just painful. It's been rather debilitating and no over-the-counter pain reliever/anti-inflammatory has helped. I've been so bloated that I look pregnant. I'm pretty sure Captain Fascist burst which would mean no cancer. And I think that Tony may have also burst or is trying to burst. Whatever it is, I'm throwing blood clots like crazy, which is something I've done only rarely and never like this.
It's alarming. I'm alarmed.
I also haven't really been able to comfortably eat solid food since Friday. I thought maybe I was constipated, because I'm taking double the recommended daily dose of iron (doctor's orders) to help combat the anemia. But that theory doesn't really fly, because I've been having regular poops.
So, I bought a non-stimulant laxative to see if that would help. The only thing it's done is increased the frequency of my poops.
I still have the same pain, my belly is still extremely distended, and it's still very uncomfortable when I try to eat solid foods. I had a damn green tea frappuccino for lunch just so I could get some calories in me today. That, at least, hasn't bothered me.
***TMI GRAPHIC TALK ENDS HERE***
I'm wondering if everything is just so swollen and inflamed, because my poor broken baby maker has been abused and invaded by medical equipment on numerous occasiona for the last month. It could be that's inflamed enough that it's compressing my digestive system enough to make eating uncomfortable. I don't know, ut I need it to calm down.
What I do know is that I haven't had a cycle like this in a very, very long time. I don't like it. It's scary, and it makes me worried that something is really wrong in there. And it sucks not to have any answers. I'm frustrated and scared, and I really just want this all to be over with.
I've called Dr. K just to touch base and get her thoughts on what's been going on since I last saw her. I haven't heard from her yet, but she is a busy, busy lady. I will post against when I have results/have some idea of what the hell is going on in there.
Normally, I wouldn't be hugely concerned. However, this weekend a civil war broke out in my uterus. I'm not really sure what's going on, but there has been a great deal of pain starting mid-day Saturday and lasting through the weekend and into today. The bestie and I named my right ovary Steven Rogers (in honor of the Captain Fascist twist in Captain America), because it's the possibly cancerous one, and we've named the left one Tony Stark (because it's not currently a traitor and trying to kill me).
***THIS IS WHERE THINGS GET GRAPHIC, AND I TALK ABOUT BODILY FUNCTIONS***
It's not just painful. It's been rather debilitating and no over-the-counter pain reliever/anti-inflammatory has helped. I've been so bloated that I look pregnant. I'm pretty sure Captain Fascist burst which would mean no cancer. And I think that Tony may have also burst or is trying to burst. Whatever it is, I'm throwing blood clots like crazy, which is something I've done only rarely and never like this.
It's alarming. I'm alarmed.
I also haven't really been able to comfortably eat solid food since Friday. I thought maybe I was constipated, because I'm taking double the recommended daily dose of iron (doctor's orders) to help combat the anemia. But that theory doesn't really fly, because I've been having regular poops.
So, I bought a non-stimulant laxative to see if that would help. The only thing it's done is increased the frequency of my poops.
I still have the same pain, my belly is still extremely distended, and it's still very uncomfortable when I try to eat solid foods. I had a damn green tea frappuccino for lunch just so I could get some calories in me today. That, at least, hasn't bothered me.
***TMI GRAPHIC TALK ENDS HERE***
I'm wondering if everything is just so swollen and inflamed, because my poor broken baby maker has been abused and invaded by medical equipment on numerous occasiona for the last month. It could be that's inflamed enough that it's compressing my digestive system enough to make eating uncomfortable. I don't know, ut I need it to calm down.
What I do know is that I haven't had a cycle like this in a very, very long time. I don't like it. It's scary, and it makes me worried that something is really wrong in there. And it sucks not to have any answers. I'm frustrated and scared, and I really just want this all to be over with.
I've called Dr. K just to touch base and get her thoughts on what's been going on since I last saw her. I haven't heard from her yet, but she is a busy, busy lady. I will post against when I have results/have some idea of what the hell is going on in there.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Navigating perimenopause...
I've been casually researching perimenopause, and the more I read, the angrier I am that no one thought to check for this sooner. I've given Dr. K a lot of credit, but I walked into her office already knowing that I wanted hormone panels. Who knows if she would have made these decisions on her own. Maybe she would have, but I didn't give her the opportunity to brush me off. She seems genuinely concerned and willing to help me figure this out. I just wonder how long it would have taken. Perhaps not long since I'm no longer in my 20s.
And the more I think about that fact, the angrier I get. No one takes women's health seriously, especially if the concerns are coming from a younger woman--not even the people who are paid to help women manage their reproductive health. It's infuriating. You walk in with weird, scary periods, and the answer is just "Oh, well, try this birth control. This one will definitely be the one that solves your problems." Uuuuhhhh...How 'bout we just figure out what is causing this, yeah? I'm bleeding for 17 days in a row, not bleeding for 14, and then doing it all over again. It's scary. I don't want a hormonal bandaid. I want answers so I can form a long-term plan.
Doctors, if a woman walks in to your office with fears regarding her reproductive health, please listen to her. Don't just offer her a magic pill and brush her aside. Nurses, when a woman calls for her OBGYN and has been bleeding for a prolonged period of time, don't run interference. Please grant her access to speak with her doctor. You may never have experienced this, but for someone who has, it is terrifying. Just a conversation with her lady doctor can help allay any fears she may have about what is going on.
Alas, I digress. The original point of this post was to discuss some of the things I've discovered in my research.
The first thing I've discovered is that there is very little information on perimenopause on the interwebz.
Dr. Oz contributor, Marcy Holmes, describes "premenopausal rage", which I am definitely experiencing. I have mood swings that sometimes frighten me. I find myself reacting to a situation in a completely irrational manner, but in the back of my mind, I'm saying, "Libs, this is crazy. You're being crazy," but I'll be damned if I can stop it. It's like I'm not even in control.
To help combat this, several sources (and Dr. K) suggest eliminating alcohol, caffeine, and sugar from your diet. I'm already working on phasing out processed sugar, but since I run a gaming channel that reviews various alcohols while playing video games, I may have to pick and choose my battles...
Another suggestion for improving your mood was to take a B vitamin complex and taking a vitamin D supplement. Woo. Just what I want. More pills.
I've also seen an article (that I cannot seem to locate now) that says I need to increase my protein intake by consuming more legumes instead of red meat. I honestly may have dreamed it. It's a weird time. It doesmakes sense, though. Legumes are an excellent source of B vitamins.
Oh. And exercise. Let's not forget that. That's everyone's answer to depression and hormone imbalance. Don't get me wrong. I love fitness. I am a certified health professional. However, as things are, I don't even have the energy for 5 minutes on the Cybex machine. I'm just worn out. I'm hoping that the iron supplements I've been directed to take will start working their magic and I will be able to get back to the gym.
In the meantime, I will continue to research ways to manage the symptoms. November is a long way off...
Conquering Perimenopause
4 Ways To Manage Perimenopause Through Diet
Perimenopause (Web MD)
Perimenopause (Mayo Clinic)
Is it Perimenopause?
And the more I think about that fact, the angrier I get. No one takes women's health seriously, especially if the concerns are coming from a younger woman--not even the people who are paid to help women manage their reproductive health. It's infuriating. You walk in with weird, scary periods, and the answer is just "Oh, well, try this birth control. This one will definitely be the one that solves your problems." Uuuuhhhh...How 'bout we just figure out what is causing this, yeah? I'm bleeding for 17 days in a row, not bleeding for 14, and then doing it all over again. It's scary. I don't want a hormonal bandaid. I want answers so I can form a long-term plan.
Doctors, if a woman walks in to your office with fears regarding her reproductive health, please listen to her. Don't just offer her a magic pill and brush her aside. Nurses, when a woman calls for her OBGYN and has been bleeding for a prolonged period of time, don't run interference. Please grant her access to speak with her doctor. You may never have experienced this, but for someone who has, it is terrifying. Just a conversation with her lady doctor can help allay any fears she may have about what is going on.
Alas, I digress. The original point of this post was to discuss some of the things I've discovered in my research.
The first thing I've discovered is that there is very little information on perimenopause on the interwebz.
Dr. Oz contributor, Marcy Holmes, describes "premenopausal rage", which I am definitely experiencing. I have mood swings that sometimes frighten me. I find myself reacting to a situation in a completely irrational manner, but in the back of my mind, I'm saying, "Libs, this is crazy. You're being crazy," but I'll be damned if I can stop it. It's like I'm not even in control.
To help combat this, several sources (and Dr. K) suggest eliminating alcohol, caffeine, and sugar from your diet. I'm already working on phasing out processed sugar, but since I run a gaming channel that reviews various alcohols while playing video games, I may have to pick and choose my battles...
Another suggestion for improving your mood was to take a B vitamin complex and taking a vitamin D supplement. Woo. Just what I want. More pills.
I've also seen an article (that I cannot seem to locate now) that says I need to increase my protein intake by consuming more legumes instead of red meat. I honestly may have dreamed it. It's a weird time. It doesmakes sense, though. Legumes are an excellent source of B vitamins.
Oh. And exercise. Let's not forget that. That's everyone's answer to depression and hormone imbalance. Don't get me wrong. I love fitness. I am a certified health professional. However, as things are, I don't even have the energy for 5 minutes on the Cybex machine. I'm just worn out. I'm hoping that the iron supplements I've been directed to take will start working their magic and I will be able to get back to the gym.
In the meantime, I will continue to research ways to manage the symptoms. November is a long way off...
Conquering Perimenopause
4 Ways To Manage Perimenopause Through Diet
Perimenopause (Web MD)
Perimenopause (Mayo Clinic)
Is it Perimenopause?
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