Slug brain and Zombie girl

For the last week, I have been making smoothies in the morning instead of running by the convenience store to pick up a doughnut or a package of Twinkies.The smoothies are great, because they are giving me the nutrients I don't usually get from the foods I eat.  I find that I've had more energy, even after a Zumba class.

The downside to the smoothies is that I am not adding any processed sugar.  It's a completely organic, chemical free smoothie.  No processed sugar = hellacious sugar cravings.  Hellacious sugar cravings = slug brain/zombie girl.  Slug brain/zombie girl = dumb girl who forgets to bring healthy snacks to substitute for the peanut M&Ms she so desperately wants to scarf down at an alarming rate.  

I am more slug brain/zombie girl today than I have been since I started this whole shebang.  Today is worse because it is gray outside.  I'm very much a solar powered person.  No sun = slug girl who doesn't want to do anything.  So, imagine my surprise when I made it to work armed with an arsenal of sweet peppers that I plan to keep within reach of my sugar-seeking hands.  What is more impressive is that I did not cut a finger off cutting the peppers into manageable bites.  

Today, I am prepared for the sugar cravings.  When I start fixating on the aforementioned M&Ms, I will reach for a healthy, tasty snack instead.  This is the plan, anyway.  This plan is already looking much better than not bringing any snacks and thinking about those damned peanut M&Ms for the last two hours I was at work yesterday.  It was miserable.  Never.  Again.

 

Crabby girl is crabby

I fell off the no-sugar wagon a while back.  Hard.  Binging on sweets is not usually my thing.  I just got to the point where I stopped fixing my own meals.  Wait.  No.  That's a lie.  My brain conveniently forgot that a week ago today, I was sitting at this same desk noshing on a breakfast of Twinkies and chocolate milk.  I don't have any excuses, really.  I just wanted sugar and didn't care that it would completely undo all of the work I'd been doing mentally and physically.  I stopped cooking at home and went back to eating fast food and at restaurants more often.  It's so much easier.

This change in habits only created a downward spiral.  Not eating as well gave me less energy, which made me want to work out less.  Working out less gave me less energy and resulted in me sitting on the couch playing video games for hours at a time.  I became a lethargic, video game playing slug.

Just yesterday, I was sitting here eating a small portion of a giant shortbread cookie from Panera.  I was just going to have a little of it and leave the rest for the rest of the week.  Yeah, right.  I started having a sugar craving and ate the whole thing in the space of a minute.  I was left feeling more than a little disgusted with myself and completely unsatisfied. 

When a sugar-craving hits all I can do is fixate on obtaining something sugary.  If I know there are peanut M&Ms in the accounting office, it is darn near impossible to keep my behind in my seat.  I walk back to accounting and just stare at the jug of peanut M&Ms longingly before I walk back to my office and sit back down.  This dance continues for a good fifteen minutes before I am opening the container and digging out a handful of chocolatey, peanuty goodness.  And perhaps I go back for a second handful.

I've gained six pounds since my plummet back to Earth.  You may scoff at six pounds, but six pounds of fat (because it is certainly not muscle) on my frame is very noticeable.  Again, I'm not saying I am fat.  I am saying I put on six pounds of fat.  I don't want to be an emaciated skeleton of a girl.  I want to be me, with a little less jiggle in my wiggle.  I am currently at the heaviest weight I've ever been, and I would feel better if I was at this weight with good muscle tone, rather than the wiggly, jiggly stuff that's going on right now.  I like my booty.  I even like my thighs.  I just don't want the cellulite and pudge that goes along with them.  

I never realize when I am jumping back on the no-sugar wagon until I start having crazy mood swings.  I was a raging beast yesterday (at least in my head).  I'm sure my Boston Terror thinks I'm a raving lunatic when we are home alone and I am growling and grumbling out loud to myself as I stuff things into the dishwasher or washing machine, slamming doors as I go.  I paused yesterday, wondering why I was so crabby.  It dawned on me that I had gone from eating a very sugary cream-filled donut or set of Twinkies for breakfast to eating a smoothie made with organic yogurt, kefir,  fruits and veggies and a bit of honey.  I was essentially cutting out my biggest sources of sugar.      

Fortunately, I just started taking birth control again.  At least my hormones are fairly regulated where as in my last battle with sugar, I was suffering from both hormone imbalance and withdrawal.  What's super fun is that the roommate and I are both going through sugar withdrawal and are both fairly crabby. It makes things exciting around the house.  According to the roommate, he's been stomping around his shop much like Godzilla, breathing fire on anyone who looks at him the wrong way.  He didn't say that, exactly, but it's what I imagine it would be like.

My problem is this:  Not only do I have to fight against cravings and food behaviors I've had since childhood, I also have to fight against my own personality traits.  I get bored very easily.  When I get bored, I switch focus.  I can't get bored with this.  If I want to feel better and have more energy, I have to follow through with this diet plan.  Yes, I used the word "diet."  I don't use the word "diet" in order to signify a way of eating that is depriving me of essential nutrients in order to lose weight.  I use the word "diet" in that every one has a diet. If you have a diet of fast food and candy, that is still a diet.  I just have to make that distinction, because people get the wrong idea if a thin girl uses the word "diet."  Their minds immediately go to starvation diets.  Nope. Not happening.  I love food.  I'm just going to start putting better foods in my body.  Again.  Oy.

Being an aspiring baker, this is going to be a monumental challenge.  I don't generally binge on the sweets I bake, but a baker does need to make sure their creations are edible.  According to the articles I've been reading, any bit of refined sugar can be detrimental to someone who is struggling to abstain from it.

I am going to research baking with raw sugar and honey rather than refined sugar.  I may have to grind up the raw sugar to get it to the texture I would need for baking, but I would feel better about providing customers (and myself) with sweets that weren't full of refined sugar and empty calories.

Edit:  I've been researching the differences between refined sugar and raw sugar.  The sad thing is that the two don't seem to be very different at all.  However, the sugar producers sure want you to think there is a difference.  Raw sugar is less processed, but it is still processed.  It is still stripped of its essential nutrients and results in empty calories.  Boo.

Some reading material:

http://www.globalhealingcenter.com/sugar-problem/refined-sugar-the-sweetest-poison-of-all - Another "evils of refined sugar" article.  I'm not sure how much stock to put into it.  The language used is very slanted.  I need to find a good article from a neutral party.  If anyone knows of any good articles, please leave the link in the comments.

http://www.joyofbaking.com/sugar.html - How sugar is used in baking.  Doesn't really go into processed vs raw sugar, but it is good information to further my understanding the science of baking.

http://myyearwithout.blogspot.com/  This is an excellent blog with ideas for sugar substitutions.  Also very helpful for people who are trying to find packaged foods that do not use processed sugars.

http://thenourishingapron.blogspot.com/ - No sugar sweets recipes!

Light Bulb!

I had a total meltdown on the phone with my mother last night.  I was crabby and having violent outbursts all weekend.  If I'm being honest, it's been for the last four or five days.  I felt like a crazy person.  Mom was very concerned when I started sobbing uncontrollably and babbling about how I didn't feel like myself and how I was scared that I was legitimately going round the bend.  


This got us talking about what it could be.  Mom thinks that my fitness plan and my "new diet" is what is causing it.  The thing is, I'm not dieting.  I'm just choosing to put better foods into my body.  I am taking in the amount of calories that is needed to maintain weight for someone my size.  I'm being very careful about not depriving myself of food.  I don't need to lose weight.  I just don't want to keep putting crap into my body.  I couldn't keep eating the way I was eating and expect my metabolism to keep up as it always had.  


Frankly, I like the way I look.  However, since I've crossed the threshold into my 30s, I know I am going to have to work harder to keep myself the way I am.  Once you cross that threshold your metabolism slows and will continue to slow unless you take preventive measures.  Mom doesn't understand this.  She just thinks I'm dieting and obsessed with my weight.  She tells me constantly that I'm too skinny.  This coming from the woman who weighed 90lbs while she was pregnant with me!  


We talked a little more and Mom suggested that I might just have some hormones that are out of whack.  I  normally have out of whack hormones.  This is nothing new.  Once a month, I'm a basket case.  That's just how it is and how it always has been.  After acknowledging that yes, this is similar, yet vastly different, Mom suggested that I go to the lady doctor and have them do some sort of hormone panel.  She told me that she had gone as she was becoming pre-menopausal and they were able to identify which hormone she was low on which was causing her symptoms.  Horrified, I asked if she thought I might be getting ready to go through menopause. She said she thought it was quite a bit early, but stranger things had happened.  Now, I don't really think I am getting ready to go through menopause, but one can always hope.


This morning, I decided to do some research on mood swings and exercise.   I'm not taking steroids, so I could rule out Roid Rage.  Everything I found suggested that I am supposed to be high on those lovely endorphines my pituitary glad is releasing during my fitness routine.  


Finding nothing indicating that the exercise would be adversely affecting my mood, I began a search into changes in diet and mood swings.  Mom had also suggested that since I was eating better, I might be going through some sort of withdrawal.  I explained that I wasn't having any headaches or flu-like symptoms and dismissed the suggestion.  Oh, my smart Momma!  


Typing in the key words "change in diet crazy mood swings" I came across an article on WiseGeek on the symptoms of sugar withdrawal.  Bingo!  I hadn't even considered it, because cutting out excess and processed sugars was not a conscious decision on my part.  Upon reading the article, I went back through my food diary, and what do you know?  I have eliminated about 75% of the added and processed sugars from my diet!  Ding, ding, ding!  We have a winner!  


The article says, "In the psychological sense, sugar withdrawal can be a very real and painful process, replete with cravings, anxiety or depression, and a general sense of loss when the addictive substance is not used."  Well, yeah.  That's exactly what I'm going through!  I just didn't realize it was withdrawal because the symptoms aren't like when you're going through caffeine withdrawal.  These symptoms are sneaky like a ninja and strike when you least expect it.


While I am celebrating the fact that I'm not headed toward life in a mental ward, you can read the article, "What are Symptoms of Sugar Withdrawal?"